She called and said something like “The ebay messaged me and told me to call you.” (Pause for dumbfounded effect of the anthropomorphism)

“I just wrapped up your item in a box in bubble wrap. It should arrive on Wed”

I was lucky, mine came in one piece, she apparently did a good enough job. You’d hope buying from other collectors would be less of a crap shoot….but no, it’s all a variation of poo.